i wish you had never asked me to that dance. it has made things exceedingly awkward for me. you are a great friend and a sweet guy, but we could never date. we are far too different, we share no common interest. i don't even understand your attraction to me. up until you asked me out i was sure you had a thing for Faith. why does this happen to me? are you dating me just to have someone to date? was i your last chance option? in some selfish part of my mind i could never date you even if i liked you. i could never date someone in the military.i need someone there for me. physically there. its a completely selfish thought i know, but i can't get past it.
why does my past so drastically shape my future?why must guys be so manipulative and take advantage of the fact that i am easily manipulated so readily? they all said that they cared about me. that they wanted the best for me, when in reality they just wanted to hurt me.
Edward was the king of manipulators. when we first met, he just seemed like you typical nice guy. friends with everyone, cared for everyone.Hannah tried so hard to warn me. she knew better. she knew what he would do to me. but i wouldn't listen. i was infatuated with his strength and the fact that he "cared" about me. we started talking on facebook. everything started out Innocently enough, talking about school, what else we were up to that day. but then things started going down hill. he started telling me about his past and how he grew up, so i, in exchange started to trust him. i told him everything, about my past, about what i am going through now. i thought he cared. little did i know he was just going to use this against me. as the relationship went on he started to get more and more possessive. if i wasn't online one night, or i was hanging out with my family, he would get upset me. he demanded a lot of my time. i was constantly stuck in this online world i wanted out of. if it had just been that i would have been ok. but along with my time he took a lot of my mental and emotional purity. he would tell me fantasies of what he was going to do to me when i turned 18. he would make me participate in creating these fantasies. even thinking about it now makes me shudder. i can't believe that ever happened. every so often we would get into debates about things me and him didn't agree on. he would call me stupid, naive, and tell me that my opinion didn't matter because i didn't live in the real world. he wanted to make me feel as small as possible so that he could maintain control.
I never thought of Danny as a manipulator, until i was on the back side of that relationship. he started out just flirting with me, and calling me beautiful and smart and cute. i fell. hard. i didn't realize that he just wanted me for my body, that he was just trying to get me to the point that i would give in. and i almost did. that day at work.....lying there with him...i knew something could happen...but i did it anyways...i will forever be thankful to mark for coming out and checking on me, because i know now i would have done something i would have forever regretted. he never directly pressured me like edward did. he just wouldn't leave the topic alone. i hated it. i felt dirty.
i kept all of this from everyone. i thought i was ok. i thought it was healthy.i was so stupid.
